RedZoneAction.org Blog
2019-07-24 15:14

Sadly the editor has been away on a family weekend and will be on holiday for three weeks from this Friday the content is gonna be a little bit sparse. We are therefore publishing some gems from the Thunder Outsiders magazine from last year. This was done by secretive undercover reporter Ryan Leaf - a person whose identity still remains until clear to this very day!

As mentioned this article was originally posted here: Cheese Melts

From our undercover report Ryan Leaf
If we cast our eyes back to Season 26, the Amersfoort Alligators were ripping through the ALPHA conference, before crushing all comers in the playoffs and winning the Thunder Bowl.

Cheesehead the erstwhile owner of Amersfoort was at the top of his game. A regular in the forums, sharing his much loved analytics programs with others, Cheesehead was a regular guy, but one who was 'Made', accepted into the RZA Owners Mafia, but they are a subject best left alone for now.

As season 27 began, Cheesehead moved from likeable Little Dutch Boy into a full blown Charlie Big Potato. He became an Ass Hat of Epic proportions and the demise of Amersfoort can be squarely layed at his feet.

It started with his withdrawal from the Thunder Forums, and settling his epic cheese ass firmly in with the in crowd in Elite. Suddenly he started targeting the Elite managers in PM, trying to slide his snidey little snake ways into the grace of his new friends.

It started with Commisioner Yoda, who weilds ultimate power in RZAVerse. Cheesehead became pals with Pete sending him PM's signed SqueezyCheese. It culminated on Valentines day with this gift sent anonymously to The Commish


Source: https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3495/3927377356_d0f9435133_z.jpg


As you can see here we have proof as thats clearly The Commish's hand holding his gift because Pete has two hands and that obviously is one of them.

In Thunder however, he earnt the following nickname on account of his buttkissing


Source: https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/17/21800709_87ac972a9c.jpg


In Amersfoort things got wierd, Cheesehead took the SqueezeCheese moniker to heart. He began to skip his coaching duties to remain in his office getting lathered in various soft cheeses and then having said cheese massaged into body. This obsession continued into the offseason and Cheese then managed to forget to renew the contracts of his entire squad.

This was variously passed off as part of 'The Processed' Cheesehead's rebuilding project. He tried to palm this off as him attemping to reset his team at first. Clearly however it turned out that after his one and done season in Elite, The Mafia had no further time for their CheesePet upon his relegation and largely ignored him. Charlie Big Potato once again became Little Dutch Boy and Cheesehead tried talking to former Thundarians again.

Thunder of course struggled to accept the Turncoats ways, and a committee was set up to decide an appropiate punishment for Cheesehead. The identity of the ThunderGods cannot be revealed here. All that we know for sure is they sit in Judgement on Crimes against Thunder wearing only their fabled loincloths, ubiquitiously known only as the ThunderPants.


Source: https://sustainable.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/17076_geodir_feature_image_21273587_1410374912380884_4132116888387281394_o.jpg


We cannot confirm the exact relationship of this photo to anything but we knew it was to good to not include, so an unconfirmed source has told us its relevant to this article.

Cheesehead already plowing profits into fuelling his depraved excess also decided, after forgetting the part where he needed his players actually signed to contracts, itwas time to go out and pay premium for experienced players. This was seemingly going well, at least to outsiders, however at least one unamed source said

"He's spending too much money!!!" Damning, i am sure you will agree folks.

The ThunderGods were considering a forfieture of games, yet Cheeseheads persistant financial mismanagement and his obsessive Cheese Love was heading him towards relegation into the basement by Season 33. His gross incompetence had earnt him the new nickname sTANKy Cheese, but when Thunder threw the allegation at him he claimed a general defence in law of being a Buffoon rather than a Tanker. As yet the Thunder Gods have to make a final ruling on this allegation, although admittedly there is historically a lot of evidence of general buffoonery in his favour.

After season 33, Cheesehead went into Cheesehab and gave up all dairy. Even worse he gave up all animal products and has turned into one of those preeching, sanctimonious tossers who feel the need to post 50 times a day on various social media of their vegan loving life onto the poor unfortunates who accepted their friends requests.


Source: https://thespinoff.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/mad3.jpg


This image is included solely for the purpose of riling vegans and serves no greater point in its inclusion.

Cheesehead is rumoured to have asked The Commish for a name change to LegumeHead, unfortunately he is still blocked after SqueezeCheeseGate by The Commish and this wont happen soon.

By Ryan Leaf

Note 1 other bottled cheese based sauces are available
Note 2 other pants are available
Note 3 other cheese based Thunder owners are available (The Other Cheese is still in our Forums whilst in Thunder though)

Rating (7 users):

Tags: RZA Users Mag

 Share on Facebook  Share on Twitter