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| Main / The Lounge - Smokers welcome / A book Search Forum | |
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| Poster | Message |
| posted: 2017-06-22 03:08:09 (ID: 100108492) Report Abuse | |
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I think you need some description in there, at the moment it reads as a script, not a book. Describing the place and characters, with a bit of background maybe, would help set the scene
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thomastem
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posted: 2017-06-22 03:12:32 (ID: 100108493) Report Abuse |
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JackieLongwell17 wrote:
thomastem wrote:
Then I won't be able to help you with your book.  Well so far since I met you, all you've done is annoy me and make fun of me . so I highly doubt that you are going to be nice... You are assuming the worst of humanity. Maybe a more positive outlook would be more enjoyable. |
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Hunter550
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posted: 2017-06-22 04:15:12 (ID: 100108497) Report Abuse |
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Jonny Utah wrote:
I think you need some description in there, at the moment it reads as a script, not a book. Describing the place and characters, with a bit of background maybe, would help set the scene Agreed, we have no idea what anything looks like. Are y'all talking on the field, the locker room, or your own personal office? And what does the place look like, is this a facility that's a bit on the aged side that you're renting out while you have better facilities being built, or is this a new, world class, state of the art facility that had already been built in anticipation of the new team. Speaking of which, is this a brand new franchise coming to town or an old franchise that, due to falling on hard times, completely scrapped everyone from the front office to most of the players that were considered "toxic" in the locker room? Paint a picture for us to see |
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thomastem
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posted: 2017-06-22 04:40:17 (ID: 100108503) Report Abuse |
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We need Rock and Punch to help out. No one edits more than Punch and Rock has the most descriptive ideas that he can go one forever about. You get those 2 to collaborate and you got a best seller on your hands.
And you thought I wouldn't help. |
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Hunter550
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posted: 2017-06-22 04:47:50 (ID: 100108505) Report Abuse |
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Oh and another thing is let the player's skills/stats reveal the personality, don't make some up. So, for example, if you have a starting QB with low TW but he's your starter and plays well, maybe make it that he doesn't really get along with the guys outside of the locker room due to being more of a introvert, however once he steps out onto the field, you would think him and his (best WR or WR corps as a whole) practically lived together with how in sync they seem on the field. Or the WR with low INT but high TW is the lovable idiot everyone has for a friend, and the 50 INT LB with high TW is the heart and soul of the defense/team, handling all the on-field adjustments, making sure all the guys are lined where they need to be, and is loved by both the fans and the teammates.
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| posted: 2017-06-22 19:49:06 (ID: 100108546) Report Abuse | |
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Btw...if people don't add anything to the topic by their posts, maybe they shouldn't post at all...
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JackieLongwell17
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posted: 2017-06-22 21:48:47 (ID: 100108560) Report Abuse |
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pete wrote:
Btw...if people don't add anything to the topic by their posts, maybe they shouldn't post at all... [/quot
Thanks Pete I don't like when people do that |
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Meitheisman
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posted: 2017-06-23 09:25:20 (ID: 100108592) Report Abuse |
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ESPN 30 for 30 stories got nothing on this book
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thomastem
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posted: 2017-06-26 23:10:56 (ID: 100108748) Report Abuse |
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Is page 2 done yet? The whole community is waiting on it.
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JackieLongwell17
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posted: 2017-06-27 14:43:36 (ID: 100108781) Report Abuse |
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Because we were just made a team, we're using my highschool football field. The team is standing around the 25, its about 9:40 and practice starts at 12:00PM. I still have to set the team up for the first day and practice. Does that help
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