Home of Rainbow Warriors

Owned by ashlee (Online )

Joined the game: 2016-06-07 / S21

Manager rank is Top Manager

Sponsored by Kung Fu Takeout Restaurants

League: Sea Devils 1 AC South

ELO score: 1022 - Rank global: 60 - Rank in league: 4

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Team chemistry:
98 %
100 %
Physical condition:
94 %
Financial situation:
76.5 %
72.3 %
  Avg Age Seniors: 24.6
Pass Defense:
79.2 %
  Rush Defense:
80.9 %
  Weekly wages Players $ 3,943,707
Special Team:
72.9 %
76.9 %
  Weekly wages Coaches $ 1,398,794
Stadium: Bruddah Iz Memorial Stadium (capacity: 144300)
Home Away
Trophy room
Hide Trophies won by ashlee (10)
Season 34Member RZA Elite League
Season 33League Champion Sea Devils 1
Season 33Conference Champion Sea Devils 1 NC
Season 33Winner Sea Devils 1 NC East
Season 32Winner Sea Devils 1 NC East
Season 31Winner Sea Devils 1 NC East
Season 30Winner Sea Devils 1 NC East
Season 29Winner Sea Devils 1 NC East
Season 24Winner Sea Devils 3 AC North
Season 23Winner Sea Devils 3 AC North
Show Trophies won by previous team owners (7)
Record (current season)
Game type Won Lost
Champ of Champions00
Friendly Cup00
Trophy summary
Elite member in seasons: 34
Superbowl Champion in seasons: 33
Conference Champion in seasons: 33
Division Champion in seasons: 23, 24, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33
Top 5 releases show all

2017-03-08 03:08:14 - Finally, a press conference after 3 seasons. But was it worth the wait?Report Abuse

After 2 seasons of zero communications with fans, the reclusive management of the Rainbow Warriors finally grants the media a rare press conference. This time, at the spacious parking lot of Target Kailua. Granted a marked improvement from that time at Bates Motel, but still, is the team really that cash strapped?

Under the warm Hawaiian sun, fed by soothing sea breeze from the nearby Kailua Beach, media folks and locals (curious passerby sorts) hoped and prayed for a less disastrous public appearance by the management this time round. They were dutifully let down.

A skinny man in robes, unshaved with man buns and barefooted, stood on his rusty pickup, engines running, introduced himself as Wontlas Tulong, the new part time communications officer and part time spiritual healer, started the session.

When asked by an elderly grandma in a Lunch Lady T-shirt, "What happened to the previous team spokesman Al B. Gonson?" The new guy replied, "Who? Oh him ... that Gonson guy ... Ahhh .... You mean the guy who we sacked after a day for gross incompetency, got arrested for stealing granny panties, and then found to be illegally distributing self made video of animal pornography? That's very bad karmic existence. Very bad indeed. I pity his soul. Heard he changed his name and escaped to Europe. Belgium, I think. Managed to forge some credential and now manages a football club. Some forgettable team, Wimp Wannabes or Washup Whatevers, I don't remember details about trashy tabloid gossips. But I will pray to elevate his damned soul from eternal hell. Poor guy. "

When pointed out that the team was itself thrash a few seasons ago, and maybe some would consider the team still is, Tulong replied "Thrash is not bad. Thrash is something. Thrash is useful. Thrash is good. Nothing is bad. Nothing is nothing. Nothing is useless. Nothing is not good. We will not talk of nothing from now on. Its bad for our body, mind and soul."

At this time, the press got confused by his cryptic messages. They sought to look for the answer through the Holy Grail, the constellations, the meaning of life, the i-ching, the Book of Death, but eventually settled for the trashy tabloid gossips press releases of other teams.

An irate looking reporter for The Big Spread asked why the team had for three years in a row, lost all their play-off games, despite being Vegas' heavy favorite on all occasions. Tulong in his calm manner chanted, "The game of oval ball is like the oval ball itself. You'll never know which side it will fall on. Although some sages had claimed the alignment of stars over Capricorn can predict the side of fall .... ..." He went on about this and the counter-effects of Virgo for an hour. During his discourse, half the reporters on scene had to tear out their own ears to prevent brain hemorrhage. In the end, no one present knew who to blame their betting loses on.

"Well, why don't you go buy some players then?" cried in a writer from The Balls Strip Journal. "You know, beef up the team a bit. We know the team has been hoarding up cash ever since inception, and had never parted with any of it on the transfer market."

"Ok, man, chill man. Like, relax man. First of all, eating beef is not cool, aiiight. You shouldn't kill an animal for its rump, ok? They are living beings too. We should all love and kiss it aiiight? Not the rump, the cow ... or bull. And also, I've been a vegan for years now, so I don't dig your bull's rump dump on buying players ok? Actually, I got a cue card from the owners about buying players on the transfer market. Let's see ... blah blah blah ... organic talents ... strength within community ... nurture potential ... blah blah blah ... rely on homegrown youths and local talents ... signing only the best draft prospect .... blah blah blah ... ... buying success is too easy ... will never spend money on the transfer market ... whaaaaat? Are these guys for real? Doing it the hard way? What sort of bullshit is this?".

Which brought up the subject of ownership for the press. They clamored for more information regarding the team's yet undisclosed mysterious owner/s.

"I have a cue card for that too!" chirped Tulong happily. He pulled out a card, threw it on the tarmac, which produces a distracting bang. With the same motion, he performed an incredible ninja like reverse 720 into the cab of his running pickup, and was gone.

Editorial: This new team spokesperson is as bizarre as the first one. If the Rainbow Warriors continues to hire wackos such as these, one can only wonder what the elusive Ashlee and the team owner/s are like.

- - -***- - - As reported by The American Chronicles of Daily Times of the United States - - -***- - -

Rating (7 users):  

2016-09-08 05:50:15 - Press Release - Sept 8, 2016Report Abuse

With immediate effect, the team is renamed "Rainbow Warriors (HRW)". The stadium is also renamed "Bruddah Iz Memorial Stadium". The team colors will now be Green and White, and the GM will stay. Mahalo.

- - The owners.

Rating (4 users):  

2016-06-16 01:23:10 - Seaon 21 in Review.Report Abuse

For fans of the Lunch Ladies, if there are any left, it was a season to forget and never to be mentioned again. The team spent most of the season under league administration, and spectacularly lost all 16 league games. Towards the end of the season, even the league administrators could not bear the shame and indignity of being associated with this franchise. Two junior associates had to be admitted for "mental exhuastion", and later "mental anxiety", and a little later "going completely bonkers".

When the new ownership with thier new manager took over for the last game of the season, people were cautiously hopeful. After all, their opponent was another fellow bottom dweller. Little did they realised that, even at being shit, there are different grades. The Lunch Ladies has taken the tag of being shit to a level beyond the reach of any sports organizations; professional, amatuer or overweight couch daddies.

In the supercup, the Lunch Ladies amazingly won a game, against the Diablos. We of course know that Diablos is really acronym for Diapers Infants And Bawl Loving Offsprings Society. Even that, the D.I.A.B.L.O.S still managed to get a TD against the Lunch Ladies. But fans of the Lunch Ladies should take blessings as they come, because they are not going to see another W for a long long time.

Are there any rays of light amongst all this gloom? Yes. Fans will get to see the Lunch Ladies in the record books. Right now, they are on course for the longest losing streak and the most games sucked. They are set to break their own single season record of most fumble, most sacked, most points scored against and most hair pulled. Those are a lot of records. Good luck, Lunch Ladies fans.

- - -***- - - As reported
by The American Chronicles of Daily Times of the United States - - -***- - -

Rating (5 users):  

2016-06-14 08:36:41 - New Ownership Takes OverReport Abuse

In a dinghy damp room at Bates Motel, the press was informed that the team formerly known as Fenes, has been sold to a new ownership. The identity of the new owner(s) will remain undisclosed. The press speculates tax evasion motives.

As a result of the ownership change, the team will be renamed "Lunch Lady Lucy". The team temporal spokesman, Al B. Gonson, explained that the owners wanted a name to instill fear on other teams. "We all know what its like to have the lunch lady stares down at you, with her hands on her hips, eyes narrowing to a slit, when you refused those greens. These are possibly the most intimidating and scariest encounters in anyone's lifetime." Why Lucy, a press member asked. "Hey man, I am just a mouth piece, alright? Anyway, my ride's here." replied Mr. Gonson, squeezing his way out of a cramp room.

"Oh, by the way, they hired a new manager. Guy called Ashley or Ash Lee or Ashly E. or something. I don't know, alright? I get paid by the hour. Google him or something." With that last remark, Al. B Gonson, was gone.

Editorial : Fans of Lunch Lady ... or Fans of Lucy. Be prepare for many seasons of torrid football. Based on what we see at the press conference, there is no doubt about the financial incapability of the new owners. Cheap, is what comes to mind. At the press conference, there were no chairs or stage, no working power sockets for the camera crew, just a old stinking cheap motel storeroom. The team rep or spokesman dresses like a gas station attendant on his break. The new manager doesn't even bother to turn up. Good luck to us all.

- - -***- - - As reported by The American Chronicles of Daily Times of the United States - - -***- - -

Rating (5 users):