FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

THE VANCOUVER CORSAIRS TRADE AVOCADO TOAST FOR BEAR JERKY IN HISTORIC RELOCATION TO MICHIPICOTEN

VANCOUVER, BC – In a move that has stunned sports analysts, confused urban planners, and absolutely delighted the North American manufacturers of heavy-duty thermal underwear, the Vancouver Corsairs football organization today announced their immediate relocation to the bustling metropolis previously know as Michipicoten Township, Ontario. Now called Wawa (for the very aggressive cobra chickens, or wild goose who live there). Michipicoten, in the Ojibwe language, means “big bluffs”.
After years of battling Vancouver’s notoriously grueling challenges—such as endless drizzle, paralyzing traffic on the Lions Gate Bridge, and the exorbitant cost of artisanal gluten-free donuts near the stadium—team ownership decided it was time for a "back to basics" approach. Very, very basic.
"Look, Vancouver is beautiful. It’s got mountains, it’s got the ocean, it has a median home price that makes accountants weep," said team owner Bruce "Mad Dog" Humphrey at a press conference held beside a hastily packed U-Haul. "But we’re the Corsairs. We’re supposed to be rugged sea-raiders! You can’t feel like a rugged sea-raider when you just spent $18 on a lavender-infused oat milk latte in Yaletown. It makes you soft."
Humphrey emphasized that the search for a new home was exhaustive, involving throwing a dart at a map of Canada while blindfolded during a particularly aggressive blizzard. The dart landed squarely on Michipicoten, on the rugged northeast shore of Lake Superior.
"We wanted water, and buddy, Lake Superior has water. Angry, freezing, terrifying water. The kind of water that builds character fast," Humphrey explained, sporting a freshly grown, icicle-laden beard. "They call it the 'Graveyard of the Great Lakes.' That is the exact branding synergy we’ve been looking for."
The team dismissed concerns about Michipicoten’s “slightly smaller” population base (roughly 3,000 people and an estimated 15,000 moose).
"We aren’t looking for fair-weather fans," said Head Coach Tugan Fataliev. "We are looking for fans who own their own snowmobiles and view -30°C as 'sweater weather.' We expect our new stadium, 'The Frozen Galleon of Wawa,' to be sold out every game. Granted, the stadium is currently just a large clearing in the boreal forest marked with orange cones, but the acoustics are incredible."
The organization believes this strategic shift will provide an unparalleled home-field advantage.
"Good luck to the visiting teams from the hotter South," Fataliev laughed maniacally. "They think rain is adversity? Wait until they have to punt a football that has literally frozen into a rock while three black bears are raiding their sidelines' Gatorade cooler whilst the Wawa are eating their sandwiches. That’s real football."
Season ticket packages for the inaugural Michipicoten Corsairs season are on sale now and include a complimentary high-visibility survival suit, a distress flare, and a voucher for a hot meat pie at the local gas station.
#SailSuperior #FearTheFrost #MichipicotenCorsairs

Finances:
S61: +10.1M
S60: +22.6M
S59: +25.1M
S58: +41.6M
S57: +23M
S56: +42.6
S55: +34.8
S54: -59.2M
S53: -67.6M
S52: -6.1M
S51: 7.5M
S50: -38.1M
S49: +13.8M
S48: +46.5M
S47: +122.5M
S46: +67.8M
S45: +24.7M

League:
S62. 13-3. Playoffs 0-1 (lost in wildcard vs Manta Rays)
S61. 13-3. Playoffs 0-1 (lost in wildcard vs Sheffield Wednesday)
S60. 13-3. Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Glasgow Tigers)
S59. 15-1 Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs St Pauli Packers)
S58. 11-5. Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Glasgow Tigers)
S57. 12-4. Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Mystics)
S56. 12-4. Playoffs 0-1 (lost in wildcard vs The Chicago Cubs)
S55. 11-5.
S54. 12-4. Division winner. Playoffs 0-1 (lost in wildcard vs Vamosahi)
S53. 13-3. Division winner. Playoffs 0-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Constanta Sailors)
S52. 11-5. 2nd in division. Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Sunrise City Prairie Dogs. 0-4 vs them this season)
S51. 12-4. 2nd in division. Playoffs 1-1 (lost in divisional playoff vs Social Distance Runners)
Season 50. 15-1. Division winner. Playoffs 1-1 (lost conference championship vs Mystics, who also beat us during regular season)
S49. 14-2. Division winner. Playoffs 1-1 (lost conference championships vs Alpin Ducks, bowl finalist)
S48. 10-6. Playoffs 1-1 (lost divisional playoff to Ghost of Bautzen, bowl finalist)
S47. 9-7.
S46. 6-10.
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Total: 202-70 (0.743). Playoffs 9-14
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Supercup
S62: 10-5. Out ir round of 128 vs Melittlemenon thepitchhitchin
S61: 10-5. Out in round of 128 vs Sfniner08.
S60: 13-2. Out in round of 64 vs Bretzel Bandits.
S59: 11-4. Out in round of 128 vs Mandalorians.
S58: 10-5. Out in round of 128 vs Dunbarajko Elephants.
S57: 12-3. Out in round of 128 vs Diorite Lions.
S56: 10-5. Out in round of 128 vs The Blue and White.
S55: 8-7.
S54: 9-6. Out in round of 128 vs H2TAGIT4Q.
S53: 11-4. Out in round of 64 vs Suchdol Minors
S52: 12-3. Out in round of 128 vs Sunrise City Prairie Dogs
S51: 10-5. Out in round of 128 vs Niceville Norsemen
S50: 13-2. Out in round of 64 vs Helsinky Gangsters
S49: 14-1. Out in round of 128 vs Bonecrushers
S48: 12-3. Out in round of 128 vs Malones (#1 then).
S47: 10-5.
S46. 9-6
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Total: 184-71 (0.721). Playoffs 3-14
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New GM Brucehum has taken charge of Vancouver Corsairs. 

For the surprise of everyone, Mr. GM included, the team has been propelled to Sea Devils 1st Division the day after he signed, due to some teams in the higher division folding.  This will make for a tough season, but the Corsairs will fight till the end.  The GM has given himself 3 seasons to build a competitive team.

Being this a first season in a high league, not many victories, if none, are expected. But the team hopes it will be a learning experience for the future.