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| Main / Sea Devils / Vancouver Corsairs relocation Search Forum | |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 13:18:33 (ID: 100195420) Edits found: 2 Report Abuse | |
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
THE VANCOUVER CORSAIRS TRADE AVOCADO TOAST FOR BEAR JERKY IN HISTORIC RELOCATION TO MICHIPICOTEN  Source: https://i.imgur.com/Na4EL3c.png VANCOUVER, BC – In a move that has stunned sports analysts, confused urban planners, and absolutely delighted the North American manufacturers of heavy-duty thermal underwear, the Vancouver Corsairs football organization today announced their immediate relocation to the bustling metropolis previously know as Michipicoten Township, Ontario. Now called Wawa (for the very aggressive cobra chickens, or wild goose who live there). Michipicoten, in the Ojibwe language, means “big bluffs”. After years of battling Vancouver’s notoriously grueling challenges—such as endless drizzle, paralyzing traffic on the Lions Gate Bridge, and the exorbitant cost of artisanal gluten-free donuts near the stadium—team ownership decided it was time for a "back to basics" approach. Very, very basic. "Look, Vancouver is beautiful. It’s got mountains, it’s got the ocean, it has a median home price that makes accountants weep," said team owner Bruce "Mad Dog" Humphrey at a press conference held beside a hastily packed U-Haul. "But we’re the Corsairs. We’re supposed to be rugged sea-raiders! You can’t feel like a rugged sea-raider when you just spent $18 on a lavender-infused oat milk latte in Yaletown. It makes you soft." Humphrey emphasized that the search for a new home was exhaustive, involving throwing a dart at a map of Canada while blindfolded during a particularly aggressive blizzard. The dart landed squarely on Michipicoten, on the rugged northeast shore of Lake Superior. "We wanted water, and buddy, Lake Superior has water. Angry, freezing, terrifying water. The kind of water that builds character fast," Humphrey explained, sporting a freshly grown, icicle-laden beard. "They call it the 'Graveyard of the Great Lakes.' That is the exact branding synergy we’ve been looking for." The team dismissed concerns about Michipicoten’s “slightly smaller” population base (roughly 3,000 people and an estimated 15,000 moose). "We aren’t looking for fair-weather fans," said Head Coach Tugan Fataliev. "We are looking for fans who own their own snowmobiles and view -30°C as 'sweater weather.' We expect our new stadium, 'The Frozen Galleon of Wawa,' to be sold out every game. Granted, the stadium is currently just a large clearing in the boreal forest marked with orange cones, but the acoustics are incredible."  Source: https://i.imgur.com/pizFZKa.png The organization believes this strategic shift will provide an unparalleled home-field advantage. "Good luck to the visiting teams from the hotter South," Fataliev laughed maniacally. "They think rain is adversity? Wait until they have to punt a football that has literally frozen into a rock while three black bears are raiding their sidelines' Gatorade cooler whilst the Wawa are eating their sandwiches. That’s real football." Season ticket packages for the inaugural Michipicoten Corsairs season are on sale now and include a complimentary high-visibility survival suit, a distress flare, and a voucher for a hot meat pie at the local gas station. #SailSuperior #FearTheFrost #MichipicotenCorsairs Last edited on 2025-11-23 13:23:12 by Brucehum |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 13:50:21 (ID: 100195421) Report Abuse | |
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as someone from Philly, I need to ask, Will your News stadium have a Wawa inside of it? Every once in a while I need a hoagie.
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| posted: 2025-11-23 15:09:43 (ID: 100195426) Edits found: 1 Report Abuse | |
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I’m already scared to play you in that new stadium 😵
What I find funny: The NC South now is the „Mi Mi Mi Mi“ division… 😅 Last edited on 2025-11-23 15:11:53 by Chrill |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 15:27:03 (ID: 100195428) Edits found: 1 Report Abuse | |
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Chrill wrote:
I’m already scared to play you in that new stadium 😵 What I find funny: The NC South now is the „Mi Mi Mi Mi“ division… 😅 I don't really have a thought whenever I will win or lose against them our game share always random. (And this should make the nickname of the NC South now the Mi South  (Which shouldn't make sense since all teams are in the North and not the south  ))Last edited on 2025-11-23 15:27:15 by 0verpowerd |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 15:53:37 (ID: 100195431) Report Abuse | |
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Yes, that was the main reason of the relocation, going to somewhere named Mi... also, it is closer to the other teams than Vancouver.
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| posted: 2025-11-23 15:58:09 (ID: 100195433) Report Abuse | |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 18:41:46 (ID: 100195434) Report Abuse | |
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Yes, that's the divisional official song!
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| posted: 2025-11-23 18:43:23 (ID: 100195435) Edits found: 1 Report Abuse | |
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UPDATE
As the economy is doing well, and the team does not really know what kinds of players they can get in the new area, for the first time ever the Corsairs have renewed EVERYONE. So expecting a good draft, the Corsairs wont have a short Depth Chart for the first time since the crisis. Last edited on 2025-11-23 19:54:01 by Brucehum |
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| posted: 2025-11-23 19:08:32 (ID: 100195436) Report Abuse | |
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Brucehum wrote:
UPDATE As the economy is doing well, and the team does not really know what kinds of players they can get in the new are, for the first time ever the Corsairs have renewed EVERYONE. So expecting a good draft, the Corsairs wont have a short Depth Chart for the first time since the crisis. I wish that I could say the same thing for my team, because to have an at least more than average salary, I'm selling probably both CBs Lorenzo and Etele, i'm hoping someone gets them because I do not want to have to fire them and waste money  |
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