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| Main / Thunder / Thunder Outsiders -EXCLUSIVE- The Real Truth About Da Bears Search Forum | |
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Ryan Leaf
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posted: 2019-04-15 20:14:49 (ID: 100138912) Edits found: 1 Report Abuse |
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The Styrian Bears, a name synonymous with success. The head coach Buddy Ryan, whose hard nosed brand of football is known throughout the RZAverse as Buddy Ball, is adored by his admirers throughout StyrianShire in AustriaLand. Bundes Buddy is regarded as a diety in his adoptive homeland where legislation was recently introduced that has outlawed any public or private defamation of his character. Behind the public face of the Bears though hides an unseemly truth. Da Bears empire is not built solely on the genius of Bundes Buddy alone. Our Undercover Reporter can exlusively reveal the Bears unprecented success is built on a ruthless, win at all costs, boundary pushing, dare we say CHEATING methodology.
Ryan Leaf, our intrepid undercover reporter recounts here the evidence uncovered throughout hs lengthy, often challenging and at times, danger fraught investigation. He can reveal the shocking ego of B RYAN in full detail and the extraordinary lengths he goes to crush the dreams of all those in Thunder. BY Ryan Leaf I disembarked my charted "Buddy" RYANAIR plane at Ryan Aerodrome, to be greeted by a towering 200 foot ststue of Buddy Ryan located within the mountains overlooking the capital of StyriaLand, BuddyVille. The statue depicts Buddy as a medieval Knight, resplendant in his armour with sword held high over his head about to come crashing down on the skull of a fallen enemy. The statue is designed so it overlooks the point where visiting teams alight their passengers. The first view of any visiting football player is of Sir Buddy the Bold on the point of decapitating them. I make my way to Hotel where visiting teams are forced to stay. I say forced because we have confirmed proof that all hotels bar one are block booked on the dates of all home games and all playoff dates two years in advance. The reason becomes apparent on my first night in BuddyVille. The hotel is located in BuddyWay, the 24 hours central entertainment district of BuddyVille. The hotel itself is located in Ryan Square above The Old Bud theatre which alternates throughout the night with performaces of Buddy Malone and The Ryan King. Adjacent is the world famous Electric BrixRyan nightclub and the seedy Spearmint Ryan stripclub. A nights sleep is next to impossible in this joint. Deflategate  Source: https://image.oregonlive.com/home/olive-media/width960/img/nfl_impact/photo/footballsjpg-7e8fde967d4a2120.jpg This image was taken by our Underccover reporter whilst dressed as the Bears Mascot, BuddyBear in the aftermath of Season 18's 45-10 deconstruction of the Michigan State Spartans. It offers clear evidence of ball tampering. Now, to the non football experts amongst you it may not be obvious but those balls are clearly not fully pumped up. The flight of the ball will obviously be different. Bears 6 TD's and 0 Int compared to Spartans 1 TD and 2 Int. It becomes obvious now. BrownBearBagGate  Source: https://atlas-content-cdn.pixelsquid.com/stock-images/grocery-bag-paper-RJzNlaF-600.jpg This is even more damming. It has been seen that Da Bears nutrition team supply lunches for the squad in brown papers bags. Its a well known fact that illegal payments are handed over in brown paper bags. Its therefore clear to see that Styria ar making illegal payments to their players, thus circumnavigating the finanical fair play system. SpyGate  Source: https://s3.amazonaws.com/pbblogassets/uploads/2017/08/27130641/Photography-Cover.jpg The evidence just keeps on coming in. For those who canot see, this camera is trained on the secret location (which we cannot name) where Notsch and his coaching staff allegedly go to practise thier signalling. The picture taker here in the image bears an uncanny resemblance to a male who the brother of the next door neighbour to the man who sold a puppy to the wife of the uncle of former Bears K and Bears HOFer Mickey Griggs. Evidence does not come more compelling than this folks. If anyone can shed any more any more light on the dastardly Mr Ryan please send a private mail to our gossip/scandal reporter, Ryan Leaf. Check back next week for our article on the Fall of the empire of Cheese whose drop from Elite to the depths of Division 2 is a tale of gluttony, excess, incompetance, sleaze and scandal Article by Ryan Leaf Last edited on 2019-04-16 18:22:07 by Ryan Leaf |
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| posted: 2019-04-16 02:58:56 (ID: 100138923) Report Abuse | |
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What... The... F***ing... F***?
Seriously, I have no clue what to make of what the hell I just read. The last time I was this confused on here was a thread about someone writing a book... (GASP) NOOOOOOOOO! |
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smokerteer
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posted: 2019-04-16 06:51:46 (ID: 100138929) Report Abuse |
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Excellent stuff - very funny
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jetto
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posted: 2019-04-16 07:05:30 (ID: 100138930) Report Abuse |
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big jump from nigerian princess to fellow buddy
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Cheesehead
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posted: 2019-04-16 07:27:24 (ID: 100138931) Report Abuse |
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Wow. Just wow. This is investigative journalism of the highest order. And to see this in a FREE publication like the Thunder Outsiders Magazine, well, let me just say that this is fortunate time to be living in.
Also, we at Thunder Outsiders Magazine protect our sources so any questions regarding the identity of the reporter or sources will not be answered. We will go to jail over this! |
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oakbark
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posted: 2019-04-16 17:05:30 (ID: 100138949) Report Abuse |
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Ryan Leaf of course began his undercover career masquerading as an NFL QB when in fact he was a completely useless chump!!
Ryan Leaf needs a new spellchecker as his English Rating is arguably lower than his QB rating........... |
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Ryan Leaf
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posted: 2019-04-16 18:18:15 (ID: 100138954) Edits found: 1 Report Abuse |
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oakbark wrote:
Ryan Leaf of course began his undercover career masquerading as an NFL QB when in fact he was a completely useless chump!! Ryan Leaf needs a new spellchecker as his English Rating is arguably lower than his QB rating........... 'Riding The Jockstraps', an expose on the seedy inner workings of your dysfunctional franchise and your owners sordid and twisted behaviours can be added to future articles. Last edited on 2019-04-16 18:43:24 by Ryan Leaf |
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dogboy
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posted: 2019-04-16 18:27:49 (ID: 100138957) Report Abuse |
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lol love the article...thunder seems to be the division with most going on
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Buddy Ryan
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posted: 2019-04-17 22:27:39 (ID: 100139007) Edits found: 4 Report Abuse |
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so we finally got ratted out... all theres left to do is to set some details straight I guess.
 its not all true.
the "undercover reporter" Ryan Leaf sent into BuddyVille was a 20 y/o kid with an instagram account we initially invited to get other influencers on bord for buddYfestival. buddYfestival was supposed to be a generational event for RZA fans all around the globe - and to get access to better youth pull talent to be honest. but some misscalculations, false promises and a lack of infrastructure led to smaller complications - after BuddyWay there was no money left for accommodations so we housed everyone who did indeed arrive in FEMA tents. the "undercover reporter" wasnt too happy to share his tent with the family of this really promising OL stud, so theres that. just plain bad luck. the description of BuddyVille is pretty accurate and we are pleased the architecture and the "art", as our GM calls it, communicates the message as intended. Originally the GM wanted blood splashing out of the statues skull by adding a red fountain, but the board anonymously voted that down. *pussies* as for the flat balls and spy cam allegations: our lawyers adviced us to "stay quiet on that for now, theres still the chance Ryan Leaf unearthes even bigger stories about the competition". If theres any problem with this statement, please contact our legal representation since we just copy pasted what they sent us. EDIT for full disclosure: the only artists performing at buddYfestival were Buddy Malone and The Ryan King Last edited on 2019-04-19 22:08:21 by Buddy Ryan |
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jetto
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posted: 2019-04-18 04:43:13 (ID: 100139012) Report Abuse |
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