2021-01-08 12:45

Location: Deventer Devils Press Room
Date: 3rdh January 2021
Time: 09:00

Person: Billy Groeneveld & Ronald Vennegoor & Itso Muriki
Title: Head Communications & Owner & Head Coach

Press Conference where new Head Coach is announced

Groeneveld: Welcome all to this press conference. Uhm, I will first read this press announcement after which you will get to opportunity to ask questions to Ronald and our new Head Coach. Here we go…

“We are extremely excited to be announcing the new Head Coach of the Deventer Devils today, Itso Muriki. We really think we have a steal here. He is from the tiny island country of Comoros in the Indian Ocean. With a population of less than a million and just of the coast of Africa, this country is not known for it’s american football accumen. However via his business contacts, Ronald heard about this amazing coach who was meditating on american football tactics whilst sitting in a wooden hut in the jungle.

Always looking out for talent in unlikely places, Ronald was intrigued by this coach. He recently went to visit him on Comoros. After talking to Itso for two days and nights about football without sleeping he was so impressed that he flew in someone from the league to have Itso take the Standardised Coaching Test (SCT). As you know this gives a good objective scoring system to assess how good a coach is. Itso scored a whopping 92 which is almost a perfect score. Ronald was so impressed that he offered Itso a job on the spot. He was very impressed with his football knowledge but more importantly, he really believes, that being from outside Europe, Itso can instill a culture in the Devils that matches Ronald’s values and ambitions.

Of course Itso has little experience actually coaching a team and he is prone to inconsistent play calling but we are building for the future here and we believe Itso can grow with us to become the powerhouse that Ronald knows we will become.”

OK, so having read that, I am now opening the floor for questions…uhm…yes, you there on the first row.

Bart Kampman: Hi, Bart Kampman from the Deventer Chronicler. I saw coach Muriki arrive today and it is fair to say that he quite the staff with him. I saw many guys in robes accompanying him and also some ladies in white cloaks. Can you comment on that please.

Vennegoor: I’ll take this one. These are not paid personell as Itso has advised me that these are volunteers who are working for him. The dress in indeed different from ours but please have a bit of an open mind. We don’t all have to wear a suit to be accepted here. The Devils are a meritocracy. If you can do your job well, you deserve to be here no matter what you look like.

Bart Kampman: Fair enough. But what do you have to say of the dark smoke and loud songs that have been eminating from the Devils’ facilities. Also, we have seen that the club shop has been filled with hellspawn paraphernalia. Surely this cannot be related to american football?

Itso Muriki: Allow me answer these question. Your question testifies of a closed mind. You western people see all of life as one dimensional. American football is more than physical actitivities and tactics. There is much that cannot be seen. But something that is unseen can be present.

You see, American Football is violence. Violence is a dark force. Therefore American Football is a dark force. An unseen force, yes, but present nonetheless. Ask any player and instinctively they will recognise what I am talking about.

Through my meditations I have found ways to manipulate and channel this dark force, it can strengthened with certain rituals and practices. It can improve players and how they function as a unit. Ronald has recognised the potential of my ways. He is a great and wise leader.

Ronald Vennegoor is visually getting excited when hearing this comment

Billy Groeneveld: OK, that is enough for now. You over there with your hand raised

Yannik Veldhoven: Hello, Yannik Veldhoven, RZA Mag. Very interesting stuff. I am sure you will have an impact on the league. How remains to be seen. However, Mr Vennegoor, who will be doing the play calling from now on. Is that Coach Muriki’s job?

Ronald Vennegoor: Yes correct. Since I’ve done the play calling we have won 13 games out of 27. Quite the achievement with our roster you must admit. However Itso will get full control of the first team bar recruitment. The home game on 9th on Jan against Budapest Wolves will be his first game in charge.

Yannik Veldhoven: I saw that you finally have played first round draft pick QB Albert Jacobs in some games against non-competitive teams (editor: BOTs). He has had a passer rating there of 145.34! When will he play in competitive games? What is holding you back?

Itso Muriki: Again, allow me to answer this question. I am currently holding séances with all the players to assess how strongly developed their dark energy is. Once I’ve concluded this I will reshuffle the Depth Chart accordingly. If QB Jacobs has high levels of dark energy he will surely be in the line up. It is too early though to make any statements on this. I expect…

Billy Groeneveld visually is starting to look uncomfortable when hearing the last part of Itso’s answer.Ronald Vennegoor is nodding eagerly along though throughout the answer from Itso

Billy Groeneveld …well uhm I think that is about enough for today. Coach Muriki has a busy schedule today. Thanks all for attending.

Editor Note: with big thanks to Rufio13 for providing inspiration for this blog post. His report on the Deventer Devils can be can be read by clicking below link and it's well worth read as well as all the other writing he does in the Elite forum:
Rufio13's report on Deventer Devils at the end of this editon of the Blowing Smoke publication

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Tags: Inside Deventer Devils

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